Chimples came up with another great idea today* - the first annual Montrealer International Loyalty Awards.
So yeah, Coolopolis is launching theMILAs.
The purpose of these awards? To evaluate the loyalty Montreal-folks show to their city after they become rich and famous on an international scale.
Jay Baruchel 10/10- If this Hollywood comic actor was any more proudly NDG he'd be a volunteer photographer for Mook-Life. Win!
Simple Plan 8 - When I was a young lad of 35 I made it my life's goal to hack into the Simple Plan bank account and siphon off their millions but SPLN or 1Simple didn't work on their accounts. From what I can tell one of 'em opened a restaurant in town and they supposedly give to local charities, so high marks.
Rico Zombie 7 - Not sure what to make of this local squeegie punk turned tat-model/actor/celeb but he seems to be around often.
Leonard Cohen 6- Talks the talk but doesn't walk the walk, as his claims of living on the Plateau become more laughable every year, plus he loses marks for his dreadful musician son.
Andy Kim 4- Mr. Rock Me Gently was a Lebanese kid whose dad cut hair where PdA once stood. He left town about 50 years ago but to his credit has recently shown up to perform at a charity gala.
Gino Vanelli 2 Doesn't spend a lot of time thinking of all those nights in Montreal these days since pulling a McGowan in the 70s.
Gabriel Aubry 1 - Aubry should pen an autobiography of his rough childhood bouncing around Laval foster homes and give the cash to charity but seems that Mr. ex-Halle Berry has other priorities.
Alan Zeman 0- One of Hong Kong's biggest businessmen has received an honorary degree from Queens but hasn't hit Montreal at all to speak of since leaving around 1970.
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Jeff Skoll 0- Mega-wealthy Ebay guy hasn't given motherville a sniff since leaving at around 13 when he took the Camille Laurin Highway west.
Ivan Doroschuk Minus 3 Men Without Hats' lead guy lived through some tough times on Walker St. while waiting for legal logjams to clear but went to the west coast as soon as the money came in and openly mocked his hometown's weather woes in one memorable but regrettable interview.
Stephen Cojocaru Minus 4 Once-notable celeb-fawner attained some Hollywood notability thanks to his idiot buddy Joan Rivers but incomprehensibly attacked his hometown in an obscure biography.
*An intern here at Coolopolis Towers recently did a remote reboot Chimples' brain implant (it was remote because our legal counsel says we'd risk arrest for adding a chip to a simian brain so Chimples works from an undisclosed naval location on the high seas). To our astonishment the reboot upped the ape's brainpower and we've been getting much better productivity from the simian.
So yeah, Coolopolis is launching theMILAs.
The purpose of these awards? To evaluate the loyalty Montreal-folks show to their city after they become rich and famous on an international scale.
 |
| Baruchel wins! |
Simple Plan 8 - When I was a young lad of 35 I made it my life's goal to hack into the Simple Plan bank account and siphon off their millions but SPLN or 1Simple didn't work on their accounts. From what I can tell one of 'em opened a restaurant in town and they supposedly give to local charities, so high marks.
Rico Zombie 7 - Not sure what to make of this local squeegie punk turned tat-model/actor/celeb but he seems to be around often.
Leonard Cohen 6- Talks the talk but doesn't walk the walk, as his claims of living on the Plateau become more laughable every year, plus he loses marks for his dreadful musician son.
Andy Kim 4- Mr. Rock Me Gently was a Lebanese kid whose dad cut hair where PdA once stood. He left town about 50 years ago but to his credit has recently shown up to perform at a charity gala.
 |
| Rico ranks high cuz we're not sure |
Gabriel Aubry 1 - Aubry should pen an autobiography of his rough childhood bouncing around Laval foster homes and give the cash to charity but seems that Mr. ex-Halle Berry has other priorities.
Alan Zeman 0- One of Hong Kong's biggest businessmen has received an honorary degree from Queens but hasn't hit Montreal at all to speak of since leaving around 1970.
Ivan Doroschuk Minus 3 Men Without Hats' lead guy lived through some tough times on Walker St. while waiting for legal logjams to clear but went to the west coast as soon as the money came in and openly mocked his hometown's weather woes in one memorable but regrettable interview.
Stephen Cojocaru Minus 4 Once-notable celeb-fawner attained some Hollywood notability thanks to his idiot buddy Joan Rivers but incomprehensibly attacked his hometown in an obscure biography.
*An intern here at Coolopolis Towers recently did a remote reboot Chimples' brain implant (it was remote because our legal counsel says we'd risk arrest for adding a chip to a simian brain so Chimples works from an undisclosed naval location on the high seas). To our astonishment the reboot upped the ape's brainpower and we've been getting much better productivity from the simian.