Real Montrealers think Musique Plus is still on one of those channels

Real Montrealers recall boasting about how little rent they're paying.... 

Real Montrealers nod when the tavern waiter looks and raises two fingers... 

Real Montrealers stifle a hidden laugh when someone says they're from Mascouche... 

Real Montrealers claim to miss Magnans but rarely ate there.... 

Real Montrealers never stand in line outside of Schwartz's... 

Real Montrealers wonder where all the street hookers went...  

Real Montrealers know who Larry Parrish, Jeff Reardon and Tom Foley are... 

Real Montrealers love to talk about the lunch they ate in Park Ex or the Point... 

Real Montrealers argue about which is worse, cold or snow... 

Reall Montrealers couldn't name a single player from the local pro soccer team...

Real Montrealers wonder why people move here from France... 

Real Montrealers don't crave poutine... 

Real Montrealers remember when The Plateau was the place to be... 

Real Montrealers never heard the term Mile End until 20 years ago... 

Real Montrealers have a favorite special Guy Lafleur memory.. 

Real Montrealers can name at least four characters from the biker war, complete with nickname... 

Real Montrealers are shocked when they see a pedestrian needlessly waiting at a red light... 

Real Montrealers miss the smell of hashish... 

Real Montrealers know about the free food deals when the Habs score five goals or more.....

Real Montrealers wear shorts and t-shirts as soon as it hits 10 degrees... 

Real Montrealers curse when they hear the name Legault...

Real Montrealers have a favourite steamie place...

Real Montrealers miss the place on St. Catherine with a window silhouette of a dancer stripping...

Real Montrealers miss the $3.25 no tax lunch...

Real Montrealers have chatted about Haiti with a Haitian-Montrealer... 

Real Montrealers know the difference between Vito Rizzuto and Frank Cotroni...

Real Montrealers have fantastized about committing murder with an icycle...

Real Montrealers say St. Lawrence Street, Dorch, Gene Tallin and Angry-Nun Mall...

Real Montrealers have come close to vomiting in a taxi...

Real Montrealers never understand what's up with Outremont...

Real Montrealers recall giggling at the sex ads in the alt-weeklies...

Real Montrealers have skin ten shades lighter in February than in September...

Real Montrealers boast that they attended Dawson even if they went when it was still housed in a St. Henri factory...

Real Montrealers prefer Mitsou to Celine...

Real Montrealers have a Great Antonio story...

Real Montrealers remember when we were the world capital of armed robbery, disco, cocaine, strippers, corruption and biker violence and wonder what we're the capital of now.

**

That list was inspired by a Montreal Gazette city column by Ted Blackman published on 14 September 1982. He was inspired by the book Real Men Don't Each Quiche. The column was his most popular-ever. One Coolopolis reader said he kept it taped to his wall in Toronto for many years. 

Here's some of the ones he came up with: 

Real Montrealers carry two morning newspapers on the metro but put the Gazette inside Le Devoir east of the Berri station...

 Real Montrealers don't wear a hat, even on January's coldest night... 

Real Montrealres know that you always put the vinegar on french fries last, so the salt doesn't clog at the top...

Real Montrealres always carry an NHL schedule in their wallets and when asked wehther they'd like two in the reds for Saturday night say : "That depends"....

Real Montrealers have never taken a caleche ride... 

Real Montrealers would never order a smoked meat sandwich in Toronto... 

Real Montrealers know that the best bars in town are the ones where off-duty cops drink for free... 

Real Montrealers treat St. Catherine St. as if it was already a mall.... Real Montrealers say they say Bob Geary fight Golden Gloves and they "coulda taken him."...

 Real Montrealers think a two-hour lunch is eat-and-run... 

Real Montrealers hate all the politicians they keep electing... 

Real Montrealers called it Decorie Blvd....

Real Montrealers replace all Gs with Ks as in "somethink" and "anythink" and begin ending sentences with "you know?"... 

Real Montrealers were born here ande while an outsider might imitate a native's esprit de Montreal, he's nevertheless a foreigner... Real Montrealers complain about cold winters among themselves but never to strangers...

 Real Montrealers would elect Danny Gallivan if he ran for any office... 

Real Montrealers move back from Toronto... 

Real Montrealers drive on the yellow and walk against the red usually chatting with a beat cop doing the same thing... 

Real Montrealers never call it a subway... 

Real Montrealers always know someone who could've gotten if for  you for cheaper...

 Real Montrealers have a cousin in Verdun who rents a cottage at Rawdon in the summer.. 

Real Montrealers drink beer from the bottle and order "snails escargot"....