Maurice Beaulieu, 36, did not go down in history as one of Montreal's most inept taxi drivers.
Chimples, the brain-implanted simian, contacted the Coolopolis interns from the satellite phone on his ship currently floating in international waters, suggesting Coolopolis rectify that oversight.
How bad was Beaulieu at his chosen profession of taxi driving?
Maurice Beaulieu was so bad at taxi driving that on 4 July 1951, he drove right off that lengthy viaduct on Notre Dame a few blocks east of City Hall.
His cab flipped over and bounced off a passing freight train below before crashing heavily to the ground.
Onlookers - probably not many of them because this happened during a violent thunderstorm - rushed to the scene of the accident to gaze at the horribly mangled bodies of Beaulieu and his passenger, a man with a very cool name that we will reveal in the next paragraph.
Instead, those schadenfreude-rubbernecking onlookers were crestfallen to see that both Beaulieu and his passenger, 20-year-old Roger Gentleman, 20, were just fine and escaped the violent tumble unscathed except for a couple of bruises and scrapes.
The bridge structure was necessary back then because there were still trains in the area. Those trains are long gone but the bridge remains and offers a dangerous but free spot to park, as vagrants routinely smash car windows and grab goods left inside. Getting rid of that bridge would add a totally awesome little hill to Old Montreal.
Was this taxi story front page news in the Montreal Gazette? Yes it was! You wanna know what else was on that same day? Of course you do. Auguste Borsetti, visiting Montreal from Torrington, Connecticut, picked up two women - one about 18 and the other 28 - from the Rialto Cafe at 1217 St. Lawrence and went back to a hotel at 1763 St. Denis with them, presumably expecting to enjoy a good old-fashioned threesome.
Borsetti slapped down $15 for the room and who knows much for the women, but the women temporarily absented themselves and a short masked man in a brown suite came in with a gun and relieved Borsetti of his $735 remaining dollars.
Borsetti's tale of woe not only made the front page, it also got picked up in a few US newspapers. If the masked gunman is reading this now, we ask you to turn yourself in to authorities immediately to absolve yourself of this crime.